Losing faith....

well, there are times people feel that way....i'm only human..it's only natural that i feel that way occasionally too..

Yes, as i gaze upon the calendar...i couldn't help but notice the dreadful 15th and 16th of August creeping up my doorstep. I am feeling a little torn. In a way, i loved the fact that GACC is coming up....i can't wait to see Riko again, and to go all crazy and bubbly with her....
But in the deep dark corners of my mind, the stress of cosplaying someone that is so highly recognisable...it's really eating me up slowly..

I know i shouldn't be thinking this way. Heck, i've NEVER felt this way before.
I love this hobby, I adore it to bits. But i do not want it to affect me this way.
Time is running out, and it's not about rushing to complete a costume, nor waiting for an arrival of a wig. I have everything ready for the cosplay...

Just that, do i need to go bulemic for this cosplay? I find this is a sacrifice which has crossed the limit. Why am i typing this in the first place?
well, that's because...i attempted it.....yes, i'm not afraid to admit my mistakes.

I stood there, brushing my teeth....staring at myself in the mirror. I turned to the right and there it was...the costume was there....as if it was looking down upon me...(FYI, there is a sink in my room, which explains why i could see the costume in the first place)
I don't know what got over me, i stormed into the bathroom next....and reached my fingers as if i wanted to touch my lungs with my bare hands....
Yes, it is sick..i know...i understand it IS wrong to do so....I've promised myself to NEVER do that again....
Which is why i'm writing this down....to remind me of my mistakes, my stupidity and my rashness.

I feel the weighing scale has been on a standstill since i don't remember when. Am i doing it wrong? Motivation...Oh..where art thou? 1 moment, you seem to be hugging me tight....the next moment, you seem to have abandoned me....
Well, maybe the feeling of lethargy as well as stress and pressure made me this way..

Fret not my friends...i'm ok...just being a little emotional now...
I don't know why.....nothing happened, it's just that i'm feeling that way now...i couldn't explain why...
Oh well, tomorrow's a brand new day...^^

Listening to : KATTUN - Wilds of my Heart
Mood : Emo~